The following are 3 excerpts from chapters of The
Mommy-Go-Round:
Excerpt from Chapter 7: 8:00
p.m. "Mom, I have a test tomorrow."
Who knew that this would someday be a phrase that
would strike terror in my heart? What's even more incredible is how making that
statement somehow brings a sense of peace and tranquility to the child's
heart... It’s like a transference of the responsibility for passing the test.
Despite my many pleas over the years that we spread test preparation over at
least two nights, my children seem to delight in an incredible sense of freedom
(and forgetfulness) that first night and the prospect of jamming the studying
of 25 pages of history, science, whatever into one teeny tiny evening...More
interestingly is that somehow my children have gotten the crazy idea that if
MOM memorizes the materials, they are guarantied an A+! No problem!! They must
have this vision of me sitting in the desk beside them filling out the test and
passing it over to them to put their name on. We’re a team, we’re family, she’s
my Mom…Let me assure you, we’re close but NOT that close.
Did I torture my parents in this same way? I
shudder to think. Of course, I can’t take full responsibility for this
behavior. Having had the pleasure of reading my husband’s report cards when we
first married (at which point his family must have believed it safe to bring
them out of hiding…), my years of report cards reflecting the comment “too
talkative” seem mild in comparison. As one teacher summed him up…if Steve
required an effort to breathe, he would cease. Sounds to me like he enjoyed
that same incredible sense of freedom which our kids now love, throughout the
entire school year.
Now admittedly by having school age children, I
have had the opportunity to re-learn all the things I blew off the first time
around. And enjoy it too! Trust me, there is nothing more annoying to a child
cramming for a test then to say things like… “Isn’t this interesting” or “I
love history, don’t you?” All’s fair in love and tests. They come to me with
open books and blank expressions on their faces. My feelings are that if
they’re going to act like they never heard the test material before and put the
burden on me to re-teach two weeks worth of lessons in one hour, then I reserve
the right to be annoyingly cheerful and completely absorbed in the subject matter!
Excerpt from Chapter 13: The Pet
Wars
I have continually been under parental pet siege by my
youngest child, my animal lover, approximately since his birth! It doesn't matter how many fish, rabbits or
whether another family member's cat is staying with us, it seemed it was never
enough. This time, shortly after the passing of our one beloved rabbit and the
move of an uncle with his cats from our home, Nathan assumed command of yet
another attack, call it an act of war. Oh but he was good. He started with a
whole new angle, not known or previously tried by any member of this family. A
"Mother of the Year" contest with the winner the recipient of a trip
to the SPA!! Lures and reward never before dangled in front of this mother ---
and seemingly so innocent, no strings attached, not yet at least...
He and his sister were hard at work, willingly,
singing the praises of my "motherhood." They carefully listed each of
my "wondrous traits" in an effort to convey to these judges
-- just how perfect a Mom I was
-- to win that just reward-- a relaxing day at the SPA!! I, ever naive, had
nearly take the bait, when the trap was snapped --
"And after you win the contest Mommy (may as
well make that Mommy Dearest), you'll be so well rested from your day at the SPA
that maybe you'll be up to taking on the added responsibility for a new pet, a
dog!!!"
My moment of basking in their love --- shattered at
the mere implications
that my actually winning
brought, regardless of how remote a possibility!! --A punishment far worse than
any one mother could imagine -- a price so high for one measly day at a spa---
you've got it -- 10 to 15 years hard labor --- given full charge of yet another
"child," a newly acquired family pet! Why not just take a knife to me
and...
It suddenly became a bit harder to smile happily
pretending to believe that we would all live happily after, right after I won
the contest, that is. --- The kids, their Dad, a dog? And me. The important
thing is that 15 years down the road, after countless vet visits, thousands of
dollars invested in pet food and supplies, lost sleep to dog walks, etc., I can
always remember that I looked nice the day I went to the Spa! Lucky
me...Wouldn't it have been easier to just treat myself to a day at the spa and
skip the hard labor. Needless to say I dodged the bullet that day, never won
the day at the spa but that alone was not to enough--- and sooner or later,
destiny would have the last laugh.
Excerpt from Chapter 18:
Christmas in July
Being a parent has truly taught me the meaning of the
expression, “Christmas in July.” It is the time of
year that some children, especially mine, begin to write their Christmas
lists…oh and one other thing…they begin to whine about how far off Christmas
actually is!!
I’m fairly certain that when the summer gets a
little boring, and a bit too hot, there’s summer reading out there that
outlines the rules that children follow when making a COOL Christmas List. The
first rule is to make the list I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-Y LONG! In fact, my daughter
likes to make it long enough so that she can be truly despondent that she will
NEVER EVER TRULY GET WHAT SHE WANTS (this year that is…) In fact, to hear it
from them, they never do get what they REALLY want. (Forget the fact that a
mere six months ago, they received the majority of another rather endless list
of overpriced items, most of which are now cluttering up my living room,
bedrooms, and playroom areas.)
Anyway, it was a hot July evening when my daughter
decided to “Cool off” by writing this year’s Christmas list. She completed the
list then proceeded to begin the sales pitch by gently “walking me” through her
winter wonderland wish list. Not being of the Christmas giving spirit myself
that Christmas List Eve, I did my best rendition of Scrooge. This response
caused the list to be abandoned on my kitchen island with her modifying title,
new and in my opinion, improved, as “The Never Christmas List.”
Christmas Confessions…
Now I ask you, where would my child get this rather
annoying, yet comical
habit from? There can be only
one answer… The Parental Curse… Used only as a last resort, and I’m sure when
my own parents reached their breaking point from what else but...MY CHRISTMAS
LIST!!!!
Yes, I confess. I did it. Mine was no ordinary
Christmas list…My brothers were witness to this. My list was in fact almost the
entire Sears Wish book with basically everything under the sun circled as a
“MUST HAVE!” In an “honest” effort to save my parents some money, I skipped a
few boy items here and there. In retrospect, I should have crossed off the few
things I didn’t want rather than waste all that time circling things!!
Anyway, can I help it if my begging, pleading and
dare I admit it?? My WHINING was much more “effective” than my brothers trying
to kill each other throughout the rest of the year? Looking back, I’m now sure
that my whining was the clincher that drove my poor parents to the ultimate
punishment I’m still paying for….the dreaded Parental Curse cast upon their
beloved daughter during a brief moment of parental insanity!! By the time I was
done with poor Mom and Dad, they were probably in a state of (sticker) shock
and asking that age old Jimmy Stewart question spoken in “It’s a Wonderful
Life,” “Why do we have to have all these kids anyway???”
And so it came to pass. I deserved and became a
victim of Parental revenge. A
simple curse that could escalate my children’s
innocent act of making a “simple, little Christmas list” into a Whine Fest
complete with written documentation… This incredibly powerful Parental Curse
designed to punish me for years on end. And me asking the same question my
parents most likely asked years before... Whatever became of those “visions of
sugarplums” dancing ONLY in the heads of sleeping children!! What is it that then
compels the darlings to put the visions down on paper, in list format no less?
I think the answer will come out when my children write their rebuttal to this
book due out in paperback in the year 2025…
